I apologise for things being quiet here and my lack of replying to comments recently. I am still really suffering with this dreaded ear infection that just does not want to get better. Another emergency doctor appointment yesterday and I am now on oral antibiotics as well. The doctor yesterday was very sympathetic with just how inflamed my ear is and just how much pain I must be in which actually made me cry. (I have been crying a lot this last week!).
Even though I am absolutely petrified of taking these antibiotics (flucloxacillin 500mg) because of side effects (emetophobia worries) I am pushing on through because at this point I would probably do anything to be better.
Cat is continuing to be absolutely wonderful, calling the doctors on my behalf so I don’t have to deal with the judgmental receptionists, and always being there when I am blubbering away in pain. I’ll admit I have found myself crying for my mother during the most painful of episodes. I guess because she used to be full of knowledge when it came to physical illnesses, you could always rely on her to tell you what to do. That is why I am so thankful for Cat. She doesn’t just leave me floundering around on my own – when it comes to illnesses and medications she is also full of knowledge – but she gives it with a huge dollop of understanding and compassion too which makes a huge difference.
I continue to be mostly deaf in one ear. I have never before realised quite how much I use my hearing as a safety mechanism. Just having one ear that is out of action is causing me great anxiety. PTSD anxiety. As I can’t hear my surroundings as well as I usually do I am left wound up in a ball of terror as I feel completely out of control in keeping myself safe and protected. I am never again going to take my good hearing for granted!
So yes, I am very thankful to the little things people are doing for me at the moment to keep me going. My bf for being so understanding in my current plight and following my “safety instructions” as and when he can. My dog for literally being my ears during the day as he sits at the end of my bed. My friend M for being there at the end of a text message constantly despite going through a difficult time herself. And of course my online buddies for keeping me distracted and ‘in the moment’ with their continued friendship and conversations.
This weekend I will get better, I know it