My lovely friends over at Many of Us have shared with us all a DID survey that I would like to participate in. It is quite long so I will be doing it in parts (both for the readers sake and mine!) To see the full list of questions do go across to Many of Us’ blog
What is a typical outfit you wear inside?
My inner world is very minimal. I do go inside to communicate with my alters (or spend some time alone and away from the world) but when I do I have no knowledge of what I look like. Perhaps next time I go I will look down to see my own body. That would be an interesting experiment!
Who inside do you trust with your concerns, secrets, and feelings?
Um… Mary. Mary is the 30 year old mum figure. I talk to her when I need some help or comfort from someone inside.
Where do you go inside when you want to have some space or be alone?
I have my own room inside that no one else is allowed access to. It is a room with red tinged lighting and a big bed style bean bag in the middle of the room that I lie on.
If you could change one thing about your inside appearance what would it be?
I’m not sure how to take this question so I am going to interpret it how I want to answer. If I could change my inner world I would make it less suffocating. When inside talking to my alters, it is hard to breathe and it takes ages to say just one sentence from all the gasping that I have to do between words.
Do you have any children/adopted children or special littles you look after?
Inside or outside? I’m guessing inside in which case yes I do have children. We all look after them though it isn’t just my job though mostly I am the one co-ordinating the care if that makes sense.
Are you involved in any internal relationships?
Yes, we are all in relationships with other. But by relationship I mean something that lies between plain friendship and family.
In your system can/do insiders get married, have families, work at jobs, shop at stores?
Um externally yes… internally no. As I said the inner world isn’t very expansive. But of course all insiders are able to come out and have jobs (Bourbonny’s role), or shop at stores.
Do you have any insiders whom are non-human, but whom count as insiders (they hold information or memories valuable to the system)?
I don’t think so. I used to think my alter Anger wasn’t human. But I know he is. He just didn’t want to present that way to start with.
What is the weather like inside?? Do you have weather? Do you ever go “outside, inside?”
No. I have never been outside, inside. I have never noticed any weather. In fact that room I described up there, as being “my room” – doesn’t have any windows. It is a very dark room.
Do you have more than one system of insiders within the body?
No. We are all one system.
What is your relation to the other insiders?
We are all inner family members to each other.
When you are not out, do you have a life and activities inside or are you “asleep” or without awareness either inside or out?
I am never “not out”. I am always co-conscious now with my system members. Before this, I don’t know, the amnesia has blocked it out :/
Who is one person you don’t get along well with inside? What do you think would improve things between you and that person?
I wouldn’t say I don’t get along well with any of them. There is sometimes a lot of friction between me and Poppy because she has very strong views and wishes in life that differ a lot from mine. How to improve this? Make compromises. Make sacrifices. And communicate.